Technology and Relationships

In issue 113 of The Lavender Lens, I wrote an article on the role technology plays in relationships. In addition to my own personal experiences, the basis of this article was input from my Facebook friends. Not all of my Facebook friends live locally, so I am including a link to the scanned article.

Here it is: Technology and Relationships – Nested Lez – Lavender Lens

Thanks everyone for your input and help!

Part two will be published in the next edition of The Lavender Lens.

Disappointed in California … Yet Again – Prop 8 Upheld by CA Supreme Court

Yes, it is sad but true, the California Supreme Court upheld Prop 8, which has stripped away the right of same-sex couples to marry in the state. However, the Supreme Court did allow those 18,000 who were legally married in the state between the original Supreme Court decision allowing same-sex marriage in 2008 and the fateful November 2008 election to remain married. These marriages were not retroactively revoked. Although I am pleased that my marriage is still acknowledged by the State, I am appalled that my friends will not be granted that same opportunity to not only express their their love, but also receive the benefits and respect associated with marriage. My fight is for all of those who no longer have the option of a civil marriage in the state of California.

Back on the Blog Train

Wow. Once the holidays started, my schedule got pretty hectic. There were, of course, the obligatory holiday gatherings, the visits to family, shopping, wrapping, traveling, side jobs to make some extra cash, and the list goes on and on. In the frenzied pace of the holidays, it looks like I overlooked the blog. Whoops. Sorry about that folks. Okay, it’s time to get back on track.

My place of employment, which shall remain nameless, has been going through some major issues and the holidays and the New Year brought two waves of layoffs and a substantial reduction of salaries across the board for anyone who kept her or his job. Following the salary reduction (and almost loss of benefits), more people left unable to continue in the current environment. (Oh, did I mention that we hadn’t been paid on time for about 6 months – checks are typically anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks late.) The exodus of people (and pay) made things a bit strained and took a bit of a toll on me, from which I am starting to recover.

A Straight Man’s Thoughts on Gay Marriage

After Prop 8 passed in California, I had strong feelings of anger, sadness, and depression. I struggled to comprehend that over 5.6 million people in California saw me as a second-class citizen. Although I knew others were in the same predicament as I was, I still felt as though my wife, Julie, and I were all alone. After attending a gathering to discuss the passing of Prop 8 at the San Diego LGBT Center, I began to feel a little better and have some hope.

Something else that tremendously helped me shift my focus from those who voted for the proposition to those 5.1 million (plus) people who voted NO on Prop 8 was Brian, one of my coworkers. Brian is a married, straight man, with a beautiful two-year-old daughter. Brian and I had several discussion on various topics, including the true purpose of a constitution, marriage as a whole, love, religion, same-sex marriages, and struggles for rights in U.S. history. Through all of these discussions, I began to feel hope and a growing pride in those who stand with us in our struggle.

In my Nested Lez column in this month’s edition of The Lavender Lens, I highlighted a portion of an email that Brian had written to a coworker about marriage. Below, the text of that email is presented in its entirety.

Change Comes Slowly – San Diego LGBT Center Prop 8 Gathering

Hello Nested Lez Readers.

I want to address the issues that have stemmed from last night’s elections – our first African-American President and the passing of California’s Prop 8. However, right now, I know that anything I try to write will be distorted my my hurt and my anger regarding Prop 8.

I will address the election, but I need some time to process my emotions a bit. That being said, I want to share an email message from

Letter from Betty DeGeneres – Support Gay Marriage

I am on the email list for Equality California. It is a great way to stay updated on the fight to keep same-sex marriage rights in California. If you aren’t on their mailing list, I strongly encourage you to join.

In an email that I received today, there was a message from Betty DeGeneres (yes, Ellen DeGeneres’s mom). In case you are not on the mailing list, I wanted to share the email with you and encourage you to make a donation to help Equality California and to vote NO on Prop 8. Here’s Betty’s letter:

Support Same-sex Marriage Equality – Vote NO on CA Prop 8

On Saturday, July 12, 2008 (exactly 5 years after our commitment ceremony), my partner Julie and I went to the County Administration building, turned in the necessary paperwork, and got legally married. Unlike our commitment ceremony (we had always considered it a wedding), which had about 100 guests, there were four witnesses to our civil ceremony. We considered it a renewal of our vows, but it was so much more.

Marriage for Same-Sex Couples in California: FAQs

Five years ago I had my commitment ceremony with my partner. We exchanged rings, but I stated I eventually would want a traditional solid wedding band. I told my partner that I wanted to get those bands either when we celebrated our fifth anniversary or when marriage became legal. Well look at that, it’s five years later and both things are happening.

You, like me and many others, might have some questions about same-sex marriages in California. Equity California (EQ CA) has provided answers to many of these questions. I have provided their FAQs below. Congratulations to us all!

Separate but Equal – Is It Possible? What Will the California Supreme Court Decide?

Looking through Google News this morning, I found the story that I was looking for. There, in the U.S. section, between a story highlighting the severe thunderstorms in the Southeast and one about the investigation about a Marine allegedly throwing a puppy off of a cliff, was the headline “State Supreme Court takes up same sex marriage.”

I had known that today, March 4, 2008, the California Supreme Court would hear arguments regarding the constitutionality of banning same-sex marriage in the state.

New Year with a New Perspective

I can’t believe it is January 2008 already. Well, we’ve made it through another whirlwind of the holidays. I hope everyone had a great holiday season.

Because it is January, I have been thinking a little about resolutions for the New Year. I have decided that I don’t like the thought of resolutions since so many statistics discuss how many New Year’s resolutions are broken before the end of January. No, instead I am going to plan out some goals for the year. I can work with goals. I know it may just seem like I’m dealing with semantics here (and maybe I am), but truthfully I think having the right attitude is half the battle.