Quick! Think of eight women in your life. It might include you, your wife or girlfriend, your daughter, friends, co-workers, or neighbors. There are probably a lot of women you have contact with in your life, I just want you to think of eight of them. OK, you have the eight in your head? Good. Now decide which one of those eight you wouldn’t mind getting breast cancer. It’s not something you want to answer, is it?

The National Cancer Institute predicts that one in eight women (or 12.7 percent) born today will develop breast cancer sometime in her lifetime. Sure, right now there is a seven-in-eight chance that you or any woman you know will not get breast cancer, but most likely, you are going to know someone.

I have nine nieces and I don’t want any of them to get cancer, but chances are that one of them will. I have a total of eight sisters and sisters-in-law. I don’t want any of them to be affected by breast cancer, but the odds aren’t in my favor there either. There is a good chance that two or three of the women that I played on softball teams with this year will be diagnosed with breast cancer. In my last two jobs I interacted with numerous women on a daily basis. If things don’t change, seven of them could be affected. 130 of my Facebook friends are women. At a minimum, 16 of these wonderful women will most likely be diagnosed with breast cancer. This is just a glimpse of the groups of women in my life and there are too many potential victims of breast cancer for my liking, so I decided to take a stand … or more accurately, take a walk.

This year, I am participating in a very special event, the Breast Cancer 3-Day in San Diego, CA.

Over the course of three days in November, I will walk 60 miles with thousands of other women and men. The net proceeds will support breast cancer research, education, screening and treatment through Susan G. Komen for the Cure and the National Philanthropic Trust Breast Cancer Fund.

I’ve agreed to raise at least $2,300 in donations. I know I can raise even more than that, and have set my personal goal at $4,000. So I need your help. Would you please consider making a donation of $60? Keep in mind how far I’m walking – and how hard I’ll have to train. That is just $1 per mile and it’s tax deductible! (If you can donate more that would be even better! If you can’t donate that much, please give whatever you can.) You can donate online at my personal Breast Cancer 3 Day Fundraising page. You can also call 800.996.3DAY to donate over the phone. If you want to donate through the mail, let me know and I’ll get you a donor form to mail in.

1 in 8 is too high for me! Let’s help protect the women in our lives! Together, we can make a difference in the fight against breast cancer! Donate today!

Thank you in advance for your generosity!

Sincerely,
Nested Lez (A.C. Teeple)

P.S. Ask your employer if they will double your donation through a matching gift program.

I don’t know about everyone else, but sometimes I feel like my To Do list is so overwhelming that instead of tackling it, I want to run from it. Or, I find that I am feeling motivated, but when I try to decide what to work on, I realize I have so many projects going at once and I don’t know what should have priority.

It’s times like these (either wanting to hide from my tasks or expecting my head to explode from trying to prioritize) that make me cringe. But, I am realizing, that what I need to do is to just take a minute and take a deep breathe or two. Inhale … exhale … breathe in … breathe out. Let’s just take it one step at a time.

Today’s technology allows us to multitask like never before. We can have numerous websites open at one time (including the time zappers of Facebook and YouTube). We can even get online and/or read our emails on our phones. We can talk to people in so many different ways: we can email, instant message, post a message to their wall (on whichever social networking site you choose), we can call them, we can send a text message, we can see them via video conference, and we can even speak to them face-to-face (something that we seem to sadly reserve for strangers at the grocery store).  It is not something that I am proud of, but I have been on the phone with one person, while chatting via instant messaging on Facebook with multiple people at the same time … and I think I had the television on too.

No wonder I have trouble focusing on one task – somewhere along the way, I forgot how to do that. Even if it appears I am only doing one thing, my mind is going over several other things – who I need to contact, when I am going to go to the gym, what I’m going to have for dinner, and so many other things.  I know that if I will allow myself to stop, breathe, and focus on one project at a t time, I will be so much more productive. But can I do it? Can you?

I need to try. Studies (see here and here) show that multitasking might actually slow down your overall productivity. Being an individual who would most likely have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD – not ADHD – there’s nothing hyperactive about me, except maybe my imagination when it’s trying to freak me out) if they tested my generation while we were younger, I get distracted very easily. In fact, as I typed that last sentence, I read and answered a text message and then almost forgot what I was saying here. Yes, I am in trouble if I can’t get myself better at focusing.

Well, all I can say is I need to take a second to breathe … then I’ll figure out my next move.

Yes, it is sad but true, the California Supreme Court upheld Prop 8, which has stripped away the right of same-sex couples to marry in the state. However, the Supreme Court did allow those 18,000 who were legally married in the state between the original Supreme Court decision allowing same-sex marriage in 2008 and the fateful November 2008 election to remain married. These marriages were not retroactively revoked. Although I am pleased that my marriage is still acknowledged by the State, I am appalled that my friends will not be granted that same opportunity to not only express their their love, but also receive the benefits and respect associated with marriage. My fight is for all of those who no longer have the option of a civil marriage in the state of California.

There is hope, however. As noted in a New York Times article:

Chief Justice George wrote that the court was bound to uphold the right of California voters to amend the constitution, whatever the merits of the claim that it is too easy to do so. And so, he wrote, if there is to be a constitutional challenge to Proposition 8, it must “find its expression at the ballot box.”

The language of Justice George’s decision seemed almost regretful, as he wrote that “our task in the present proceeding is not to determine whether the provision at issue is wise or sound as a matter of policy or whether we, as individuals, believe it should be a part of the California Constitution.” Instead, he wrote, “our role is limited to interpreting and applying the principles and rules embodied in the California Constitution, setting aside our own personal beliefs and values.”

Where I see my hope is the fact that the Supreme Court was not necessarily saying that they agreed with the passing of Prop 8, only that Prop 8 was legally on the ballot. Although it was disheartening that they chose to not view the stripping of rights as a revision to the constitution, they were wise enough not to take away rights from those of us who were already married and it opened the door for our continued fight.

Would it have been easier and more joyous for them to have overturned the validity of Prop 8 to even have been on the ballot? Yes, it would have. However, there is a chance that we would once again have grown complacent and had to deal with this fight when the religious right found a way to get another proposition on the ballot. They have once again awoke the sleeping giant. This decision will not only have us continue to fight, but hopefully continue to educate. If Prop 8 had been deemed invalid, those 52% of voters would have still had the same mindset – still thought that we should not be allowed to marry. Also, they might have become disenfranchised with the voting process. Now we have the chance to better educate those who do not understand and to do so using the same process that stripped our rights in the first place.

Do not go quietly … it is time to stand up in what you believe. The chance to support your own rights. Get involved.

In San Diego, there is a rally tonight (May 27, 2009). Here is the information:

We Unite for Equality!
Show up to volunteer starting at 4pm.
Gather at 5:00PM THIS Tuesday (5/26)
March at 6:00PM @ 6th Ave & Laurel St.
Rally or Protest at 7pm

You can also donate to and/or join HRC, Equality California, or any other wonderful organization that protects our rights.

Wow! What a rush! I have decided that this year was going to be my year to jump and I wasn’t kidding!

What an experience!

I quit my job and decided to work for myself; I have become a much more social person; and I jumped out of an airplane.

I just wanted to include a photo of my jump and tell you that if there is something you want o do in life – do it! Don’t let your fears hold you back. I am so happy that I decided to try skydiving and am moving forward.

Here’s to a year, no, a lifetime, of jumping!

Quick! Think of 8 women in your life? Could be your mom, sisters, friends, wife, partner, girlfriend, daughter, nieces, coworkers, and even yourself. Did you think of 8? OK, now pick one of those to get breast cancer. Not something you want to do, is it? Well, lucky for you, you don’t have to make that decision of who gets breast cancer. Unlucky for you, chances are 1 of those 8 women will get breast cancer.

Not a pretty thought, is it? And yet, if things stay the way they are 1 in every 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. I don’t like those odds. At this point in my life, I have been lucky enough to not be personally affected by breast cancer, but I know if those statistics don’t improv it is only a matter of time. If it is not me, I know that someone I love will be diagnosed with the disease. That’s not something I am ready for.

I’ve decided to do something about it. I have decided to walk in the Breast Cancer 3-Day this November in San Diego. In order to do my part and walk, I need to raise at least $2,300; however, my personal goal is to raise $4,000 personally and for my for my team to raise at least $7,500 (preferably more … and if my team continues to grow I want to raise over $10,000). I am training to walk 60 miles in 3 days. Will it be tough – absolutely. Will it be worth it? If it gets us closer to finding a cure, it will be worth walking 600 miles!

Please help me reach my goal. Sponsor me or a member of my team: Team F.A.B. (For All Boobs). Use the link below to donate money to this wonderful cause and to help me fight breast cancer!

Amy’s San Diego Breast Cancer 3-Day Donation Page

Thank you so much for your help! Let’s change 1 in 8 to NONE in 8!

Hello All. I just wanted to write a quick post to remind you all to count your blessings. Life these days can be a bit trying and overwhelming, but things could be worse.

A few weeks ago, I got a chance to spend a weekend with a good friend. A week later she was sent to Sri Lanka for work. A building connected to her hotel was bombed in an aerial attack. She ended up fleeing the country and thankfully made it home safely. I can’t help but think about people in similar circumstances who are not as lucky … although she will most likely have to deal with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Yes, things could be better,but they could always be worse. Don’t ask, “how can things get worse?” You don’t want to know.

While you can, tell the people that you love, that you do, in fact. love them. The words “I love you” are important, but be sure to truly tell them why they are important to you. You will be glad that you did.

Wow. Once the holidays started, my schedule got pretty hectic. There were, of course, the obligatory holiday gatherings, the visits to family, shopping, wrapping, traveling, side jobs to make some extra cash, and the list goes on and on. In the frenzied pace of the holidays, it looks like I overlooked the blog. Whoops. Sorry about that folks. Okay, it’s time to get back on track.

My place of employment, which shall remain nameless, has been going through some major issues and the holidays and the New Year brought two waves of layoffs and a substantial reduction of salaries across the board for anyone who kept her or his job. Following the salary reduction (and almost loss of benefits), more people left unable to continue in the current environment. (Oh, did I mention that we hadn’t been paid on time for about 6 months – checks are typically anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks late.) The exodus of people (and pay) made things a bit strained and took a bit of a toll on me, from which I am starting to recover.

I find myself in a rather odd position, I am definitely feeling the strains, both financially and mentally, of not only the cash flow issues of my company, but also the overall suckiness (I don’t care if it’s really a word, it fits here) of the U.S. economy and joblessness rate. However, I want to reach out and help others who are also struggling – a difficult thing to do when you don’t have the money or time (since I’m using my free time to try to make more money) to give.

How can I rectify this situation? Well, it’s not the most wonderful solution, but I thought I could share some information (and links to the sites) about some companies and causes that I would love to help, but am a little stuck right now. There are many great small businesses and noble causes that could use your patronage. Below are a few that I hope you will support, if you are able.

The San Diego Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center is a wonderful resource for the LGBT community in San Diego County. The Center offers outreach programs for everyone from LGBT youth to LGBT seniors, events celebrating and supporting the LBGT community, the Woman’s Resource Center, and so much more. Unfortunately, the LGBT Center needs money to keep these wonderful events, programs, and resources going. If possible, please make a donation to the San Diego LGBT Center. I was able to give $25 before my financial situation got tighter, but no donation is too small. Even if you can only give $5, that will help and remember, all donations are tax-deductible. Please consider supporting this wonderful organization.

Month after month, Bixi B. Craig pours her heart, soul, and resources into publishing The Lavender Lens, a lesbian (and friends) monthly magazine for San Diego and other areas of Southern California. I am privileged to write a monthly column (which this blog is an extension of) in The Lavender Lens. Please pick up a free copy of this wonderful magazine, read it, and patronize the advertisers. Also, check out this wonderful women’s magazine’s website for more updates and information. If you are a business in Southern California, advertise with The Lavender Lens. Your support is needed to keep this magazine alive.

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and Equality California (EQCA) are both wonderful organizations that have been instrumental in the fight for LGBT rights, including the fight against Prop 8. Even though the election is over, these two organizations continue to battle the issue of marriage equality. If you can, please either volunteer your time or donate money (or both) to these organizations. They will continue to fight for our rights.

Although not a gay-owned business, I need to give some love to Clean Freak Cleaning Services. This up-and-coming San Diego maid / office cleaning company is a small business that offers great services from house and apartment cleaning throughout San Diego County to office and janitorial cleaning in San Diego. The owners are not only trying to keep their business afloat, but also flourish in this trying economy by offering affordable cleaning services with great customer service. (Yes, I know the owner, which is why I want to help them out here.)

If you would rather support gay-owned and LGBT-related businesses, check out the directory at the GSDBA. The GSDBA, or Greater San Diego Business Association, is an organization that “promotes business development to increase economic opportunities for our members, the LGBT community and all who support business equality.” Please patronize these gay-owned and LGBT-friendly businesses. If you are a LGBT-friendly San Diego business, join this wonderful organization.

There are many other businesses and organizations that I would love to help out, but that is my start for now. Although 2009 has gotten off to a shaky start (economically, anyway), I have great hope for all this year has to hold. I need to keep focused and find ways to shift my game plan to match whatever gets thrown at me. Here’s to a great 2009. Happy (belated) New Year!

Many actions are taking place in the LGBT community regarding the passage of this California proposition. As many of you know, there have been (and continue to be) many peaceful protest marches and rallies calling attention to the discrimination involved in the passing of Prop 8. Also, opponents to Prop 8 have been looking at where the campaign went wrong and how we failed to reach enough California voters.

Also, there are many legal battles beginning, challenging the validity of Prop 8 in the first place. The most prominent push is that Prop 8 does not merely amend the State’s Constitution, but it fundamentally alters the Constitution, which cannot be decided by a majority vote. Many asked why we did not fight this before. The truth is, we tried, but the courts stated that the challenge could only be made if Prop 8 passed. well, we know it passed, so the legal battle has begun.

Below is a copy of an email I received from Equality California regarding the legal proceedings and were they are in the court. I wanted to pass this along. I hope to continue to keep you up to date on all of the happenings.

Today the California Supreme Court granted review in the legal challenges to Proposition 8, which passed by a narrow margin of 52 percent on November 4. In an order issued today, the Court agreed to hear the case and set an expedited briefing schedule. The Court also denied an immediate stay.

On November 5, 2008, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, the American Civil Liberties Union, and Lambda Legal filed a lawsuit challenging the validity of Proposition 8 in the California Supreme Court on behalf of six couples and Equality California. The City of San Francisco, joined by the City of Los Angeles, the County of Los Angeles, and Santa Clara County, filed a similar challenge, as did a private attorney in Los Angeles.

The lawsuits allege that, on its face, Proposition 8 is an improper revision rather than an amendment of the California Constitution because, in its very title, which was “Eliminates the right to marry for same-sex couples,” the initiative eliminated an existing right only for a targeted minority. If permitted to stand, Proposition 8 would be the first time an initiative has successfully been used to change the California Constitution to take way an existing right only for a particular group. Such a change would defeat the very purpose of a constitution and fundamentally alter the role of the courts in protecting minority rights. According to the California Constitution, such a serious revision of our state Constitution cannot be enacted through a simple majority vote, but must first be approved by two-thirds of the Legislature.

Since the three lawsuits submitted on November 5, three other lawsuits challenging Proposition 8 have been filed. In a petition filed on November 14, 2008, leading African American, Latino, and Asian American groups argued that Proposition 8 threatens the equal protection rights of all Californians.

On November 17, 2008, the California Council of Churches and other religious leaders and faith organizations representing millions of members statewide, also filed a petition asserting that Proposition 8 poses a severe threat to the guarantee of equal protection for all, and was not enacted through the constitutionally required process for such a dramatic change to the California Constitution. On the same day, prominent California women’s rights organizations filed a petition asking the Court to invalidate Proposition 8 because of its potentially disastrous implications for women and other groups that face discrimination.

In May of 2008, the California Supreme Court held that barring same-sex couples from marriage violates the equal protection clause of the California Constitution and violates the fundamental right to marry. Proposition 8 would completely eliminate the right to marry only for same-sex couples. No other initiative has ever successfully changed the California Constitution to take away a right only from a targeted minority group. 

Over the past 100 years, the California Supreme Court has heard nine cases challenging either legislative enactments or initiatives as invalid revisions of the California Constitution. In three of those cases, the Court invalidated those measures. 

Check out this additional information on the marriage equality court cases.

After Prop 8 passed in California, I had strong feelings of anger, sadness, and depression. I struggled to comprehend that over 5.6 million people in California saw me as a second-class citizen. Although I knew others were in the same predicament as I was, I still felt as though my wife, Julie, and I were all alone. After attending a gathering to discuss the passing of Prop 8 at the San Diego LGBT Center, I began to feel a little better and have some hope.

Something else that tremendously helped me shift my focus from those who voted for the proposition to those 5.1 million (plus) people who voted NO on Prop 8 was Brian, one of my coworkers. Brian is a married, straight man, with a beautiful two-year-old daughter. Brian and I had several discussion on various topics, including the true purpose of a constitution, marriage as a whole, love, religion, same-sex marriages, and struggles for rights in U.S. history. Through all of these discussions, I began to feel hope and a growing pride in those who stand with us in our struggle.

In my Nested Lez column in this month’s edition of The Lavender Lens, I highlighted a portion of an email that Brian had written to a coworker about marriage. Below, the text of that email is presented in its entirety.

The reason I’m emailing this is so that people who might overhear don’t jump to conclusions about me and my marriage, as seems to be the case quite often.

Marriage is a holy and sacred thing.  It is a union that transcends law, or it should be.  Yet, the divorce rate is more than 50 percent in this country.

In a way, that’s actually a good thing.  Why remain in a failing or, worse, abusive marriage?  The problem is not marriage as an institution; the problem is people’s willingness to jump into marriage without proper thought, time, and reason.

My marriage is a case in point.  Missy and I got engaged within two weeks of meeting.  We were legally wed within 48 hours of deciding to go down to the courthouse and get it over with.  If we had not acted so impulsively on April 24th, 2000, we would not be married today, for better or worse.

That’s an extreme example, of course, but how many people act on less extreme, but equally ill-thought-out impulses?  They succumb to the thrill of the proposal and the lure of the wedding and honeymoon.  They see their future spouse through the eyes of excitement, enchantment, and hope.  How many of these people discovered, after months or years of marriage, that they committed themselves – in the eyes of both God and law – to someone they didn’t really know?  How many children have been born to unhappy people who were beholden to a legal union, either due to their own morals or their own fear of dissolving the marriage?  How many men and women have been abused, verbally and/or physically, due to their haste?  And how many of the 46 percent or so of the marriages that don’t end in divorce are actually happy and loving, particularly past the first few years?

These questions lead to a point.  When gay marriage became legal, most of the people who took advantage of its legality were couples who had been together for years, some even decades.  These were time-tested relationships that had gone through the good, the bad, and the ugly and endured.  Long engagements, of a sort.  I read somewhere last year that the average gay couple who had gotten legally married had been together for six years.  Six years!  If these unofficial unions had lasted that long, one can only imagine how much lower the divorce rate would be among their numbers.  So many marriages don’t make it past three years.

Yet, these are the marriages that are soon possibly to be illegal and thought by many to be immoral.  In the meanwhile, thousands of other people will jump into marriage, and a huge chunk of them will find themselves resentful, mistreated, sad, trapped, abused, and/or divorced.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and, by coincidence of our own slow evolution, gay marriage in the state of California could have set an example for how all marriages should proceed.

Thank you Brian for those words of love, understanding, and support. I hope that through our legal system or through peaceful demonstrations and a new ballot proposition that we will be able to overturn Prop 8 and set the example that Brian mentions at the end of his message.

At the time of this writing, all same-sex marriages performed in California during the period following the Supreme Court ruling until the November 4, 2008 election are still valid (according to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and California Atty. Gen. Jerry Brown). Those marriages may be challenged in court and I will try to keep you posted on their status.

Although the election is over, the battle for equal rights (that’s right, not “special rights” or “gay rights,” but “equal rights“) will continue on. Please get involved. For more information, visit the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Equality California, the ACLU, your local LGBT community center, or any of the other resources available.

Hello Nested Lez Readers.

I want to address the issues that have stemmed from last night’s elections – our first African-American President and the passing of California’s Prop 8. However, right now, I know that anything I try to write will be distorted my my hurt and my anger regarding Prop 8.

I will address the election, but I need some time to process my emotions a bit. That being said, I want to share an email message from Dr. Delores Jacobs regarding the status of Prop 8 and a gathering of support at San Diego’s LGBT Community Center tonight (Wednesday, November 5, 2008).

Change Comes So Slowly

After months of unbelievable hard work, determination, courage and generosity, we have crossed the finish line of one hard-fought 2008 election.

Tonight, we are a country changed with the election our nation’s first African-American president, President-elect Barack Obama.

But today we are trailing in the California fight against discrimination.

The current vote count has us behind with an incredibly steep hill to climb. But there are somewhere between 2.5 – 4 million votes that have not yet been counted (provisional ballots and absentees) and the information about where they are from is not yet available. The No on Prop 8 campaign has indicated that, given the incredible gravity of the situation, they will not issue the ultimate call on this election until they have that information (24-48 hours).

Never before in California’s history has a group who currently enjoys a basic right, been singled out, and then had those rights ripped from them by a vote of their fellow citizens. This decision is so radical and so egregious, that every voice must first be heard, no matter how unlikely a changed outcome might be.

We are all diminished whenever discrimination is sanctioned and fundamental rights are stripped away from any of our citizens. We are all diminished when some families in California are denied access to the security and protections they deserve.

In this fight for fairness and justice, tens of thousands of Californians built a campaign that far surpassed any previous civil rights effort on any ballot measure, not only in California, but anywhere in our entire country. They poured their talents, their time, their resources and their hearts into this struggle for freedom and this fight to have their relationships treated equally. Thank you for each and every sacrifice.

In 2000 2.9 million Californians voted with us against discrimination; today, at least 5 million Californians voted with us to reject discrimination and we thank them for their support for equality.

Together, we put together the largest volunteer and grassroots network of any campaign other than a presidential campaign. Together, we spoke to our families, our friends, our neighbors and co-workers. Together, we reached outside of our community to build coalitions that will strengthen us all. Together, we raised more money for this fight, in a shorter time, than anyone believed possible.

And the struggle for equality is not over.

Activist and writer Anne Lamott writes, “Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up””

Because of the struggle fought here in California and fought so incredibly well by the people in this state that love freedom and justice — our fight for full civil rights will continue.

As we have stood side-by-side and worked together over these past several months, we must take a moment to come together again now. Please join The Center Advocacy Project, EQCA and HRC on Wed., Nov. 5 at 6:30 pm at The Center, 3909 Centre St., to be in the company of friends and all of those who love justice. For more information about our community gathering, please contact Jeff Wergeles at jwergeles@thecentersd.org.

Each of you has my very deepest gratitude and my immeasurable respect.

And while we cannot say victory is ours this day, we know that, because of the work done here, freedom, fairness and equality will be ours… our dawn will come.

Together with you always in this struggle,

Dr. Delores A. Jacobs
The San Diego LGBT Community Center
http://www.thecentersd.org
3909 Centre Street
San Diego, CA 92103
(619) 692-2077